


5 Silences and 1 I Love You

by spotty_lion



Series: Final Fantasy Shenanigans [20]
Category: Final Fantasy XIV
Genre: 5+1, Hrothgar Warrior of Light, M/M, Mutual Pining, urianger copes with his feelings, written more from urianger’s point of view
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-04
Updated: 2020-08-04
Packaged: 2021-03-06 00:48:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 5,796
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25704649
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/spotty_lion/pseuds/spotty_lion
Summary: It was then, for the first time, that Urianger felt his heart shudder, felt his stomach clench, felt his cheeks grow warm. Suddenly his fingers itched to put ink to parchment and spill out poetry with flowers around each word that he scrawled. Suddenly his heart ached to beat and beat with everything it had, to beat for another. Suddenly his lips longed to press against fur and muscle, to make shapes speaking of his affection.Oh.Oh dear.
Relationships: Cid nan Garlond/Urianger Augurelt/Warrior of Light, Cid nan Garlond/Warrior of Light, Urianger Augurelt/Warrior of Light
Series: Final Fantasy Shenanigans [20]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1135331
Kudos: 15





	1. 1

Jack’s grief was a black cloud around him, a strike of lightning that slapped him around the face as their eyes met. His eyes, a sunlit forest bright with his rage, glinted in the low light of the Castrum. 

He could do little else but watch as the wild beast before him spat fire and ice at the imperials around them; a wild beast made of blood and bone, dripping with the sweat of vengeance and melancholy fury. Teeth shone with spilt blood, like ink swelling across pearl parchment; the dim lights speared the rainwater caught on the leaves after the storm, cupped the starlight that shone by the sun.

Urianger’s heart ached to see Jack in so much pain.

‘Jack! Our binds! Untie them and we can help you!’ Papalymo cried into the opening that he saw as an imperial lancer collapsed in a burning heap at Jack’s feet.

The hrothgar looked at Urianger immediately, coming back to himself, the bloody beast yowling as it retreated at the sight of the people he cared about. The elezen offered a small smile filled with gratitude to attempt to quell the beast further.

‘Are you alright? Did they hurt you?’ Jack asked as his fingers worked at breaking the elezen’s hands free. ‘Because if they did…’ the words were snarled, slipping from the throat of a wolf who had been wronged, who had had something stolen from her, whose teeth knew the taste of blood and were not afraid of its metallic kiss.

‘Nay, we art in good health,’ Urianger said, ‘though ‘tis good fortune that you and yours arrived when thee did, otherwise mine words might not hath been so true.’

‘I’m glad we did,’ Jack said, drawing his staff again, ready to dive back into the midst of the battle. ‘I’m not sure what I would have done if something had happened to you.’ And though his words touched each of the Scions’ hearts, his gaze never strayed from ruby goggles.

It was then, for the first time, that Urianger felt his heart shudder, felt his stomach clench, felt his cheeks grow warm. Suddenly his fingers itched to put ink to parchment and spill out poetry with flowers around each word that he scrawled. Suddenly his heart ached to beat and beat with everything it had, to beat for another. Suddenly his lips longed to press against fur and muscle, to make shapes speaking of his affection.

Oh.

_ Oh dear _ .


	2. 2

The sight of Jack bolting from the Praetorium with an explosion in his wake made Urianger’s heart leap. He had been worried, like everyone else, when there had been no word from the hrothgar; concerned thoughts of cold fur and silent hearts had plagued him since they had first seen smoke clawing into the night sky and flames tasting the stars. 

But there he was.

Cid was the first to step forward and greet him, help him down from the back of the magitek armour, with its oily coat bleeding with broken wires and failing circuits. Urianger was not far behind.

He opened his mouth to say something, a greeting or a congratulation, but the words died on his tongue as he saw Jack’s face; a kind, gentle face that turned to smile at him when he heard him approach, a face that had blood smothering one side of it. Dried blood that had taken his fur and gripped onto it in messy chunks.

‘Jack… thou art bleeding…’ the elezen breathed, hands reaching up to cup the hrothgar’s jaw, no thought given to the action. He peered closely at the injury, haphazardly healed to allow the mission to continue, though the blood had not been cleaned from sticking between the strands of his fur, like sap clinging to the trunk of an old oak tree. A rose bloomed from the middle of the sun, burned by the crisp heat that shivered there, petals tumbling down onto the mud below, where they were trampled into the earth.

It was when Cid cleared his throat from behind them that both Jack and Urianger realised how close their faces were to each other. The elezen’s cheeks felt warm as he stepped away from the hrothgar. ‘I can offer mine healing hand if thou wouldst like,’ he said, red-goggled eyes cast down. ‘Thy wound must needs be cleansed, lest the festering hands of infection doth set in.’

‘Oh, yeah…‘course,’ Jack said, a crooked grin against his teeth. ‘Forgot it had happened actually… all the adrenaline probably… it’s starting to sting a bit now as it goes.’

Urianger  _ longed _ to press comforting hands against soft fur, as Jack’s muzzle wrinkled with his pain. But he knew his place, and it was not at Jack’s side.

He wasn’t good enough for men like Jack.


	3. 3

Since then, Urianger had kept his heart ever closer to his chest. He saw little of Jack, even though he heard that he was asked after whenever the hrothgar could spare a moment to be in the Waking Sands. But, unfortunately, Urianger’s work always stole him away at the most inopportune of moments, leaving him stowed away in his small office, scratching quill against parchment under the light of a dying candle.

But when they did see each other, Urianger could not quite see past the broad smile that belonged to another. However much he tried to tell himself that the smile was for him, that the delight that glimmered in the single uncovered glade eye was directed at him, he just couldn’t believe it. Because what had he done to deserve such light in his life?

And whenever he looked at Jack’s face, he could see only Cid Garlond next to him, even if the engineer was not in the room.

Jack was not his to pursue. He never had been.

And then the carriage arrived.

The carriage upon which an old friend travelled in upon.

‘Urianger!’ she cried, her expression lighting up as he walked through the doors to the Solar. ‘Where in the hells have you been hiding?’

But just as soon as she had been returned to him, just as soon as she had been crushing his ribs with her hugs, was she taken from him.

And he would not see her again. No matter how many times he tried to send word to her.

For his word could not reach beyond the grave.

Back in the safe and familiar walls of the Waking Sands did Urianger seal himself away. He locked every door he could, shut all the windows and drew the curtains. He wanted no one to see him like  _ this _ .

Rose-red goggles were pulled from his face; the sun flinched at the exposure, before his wounded heart speared golden hide and bled it until there was nothing left to drain, until it ached and itched with the effort. His cheeks were stained with the glass of the sun’s blood, his throat scratched raw from his screams of despair. 

He could not find it in himself to reach out and burden anyone with his troubled heart, though he could feel himself drowning, with little hope of returning to the surface.

Until there came a knock at the door.

He could do little else but answer, despite the miserable dark circles under his eyes, despite the worldly weight that made his shoulders slump and his heart flinch. He attempted to hide his misery with shields of scarlet. 

Jack was the last person he expected to see.

Neither of them said anything. Wide eyes lay hidden behind scarlet goggles, while thin lips parted to exhale his surprise. A crooked smile cracked its way along furred lips, while soft ears lay flat and buried in his mane.

‘Hi,’ the hrothgar said, a hand at the back of his neck, eye looking anywhere but at the elezen in front of him. He still had bandages wrapped around his left eye, the one that had been speared by the shrapnel in the Castrum, the one that Urianger had laid a gentle hand on and poured as much healing energy as he could into the wound; the bleeding, painful wound that had plagued Jack’s being until the needles and threads of magic dove into his skin and sealed the tear. ‘Room for another one in there with you?’

Urianger didn’t quite know what to say for a moment. Here was this man -  _ this taken man _ , an ugly part of him sneered - on his doorstep, asking to come in. This man that was too good for him, that was too kind, too trusting. This man that wanted only for people to be okay, to be happy. 

Though happiness was quite far from Urianger’s heart. Quite unattainable.

He wondered if it ever would be again.

He cleared his throat. ‘Aye…’ he said. If there was more he wished to say, the words died on his tongue.

Walking back into his office, a tense Jack following him, Urianger could only notice the mess. Stained tea cups, broken quills, strewn paper, it all stood out to him suddenly.

‘Mine apologies,’ he said, picking up a tea cup and fighting against the wave of vulnerability that washed over him, ‘I wouldst have cleaned had I known I would be having company.’

‘Sorry, I should have sent word,’ Jack said with that crooked smile again. ‘But I don’t care about the state of your office, you know that right? I care about…’ 

He hesitated, unsure if he should say it.

Urianger turned to him, and he felt a pull. He felt the sheer kindness, the genuine want to help, tug at him, as if leading him out from under the cold drenched water that left him feeling nothing but the rotten hand of misery. He felt it leading him away from the chill and into the warmth of soft fur and gentle arms.

‘Pray tell, wherefore doth thy heart lie?’ he asked, a smile tugging at his lips, the first one he had given in the past few days.

‘Well, uh… I care about…’ the hrothgar stumbled over his words, ‘I care about…  _ you _ .’

The elezen sucked in a breath, thankful that he was able to lower his head and hide his warm cheeks with the hood of his robe. His smile grew, and the room swelled a little with light. ‘I thank thee,’ he said. ‘Thy concern is most kind.’

‘Well, everyone seemed concerned about “moving on” and “not letting her sacrifice be in vain”,’ Jack said, bitterness leaking into his tone, ‘but no one seemed to want to support each other. Not even the man who knew her best, who was closest to her.’

‘Aye…’ the elezen said, turning to his desk to attempt to clear some of the clutter to allow him and Jack to share some tea. ‘Grief is… a personal time. Some find it easier to be alone.’

‘Do you?’ Jack asked, folding his arms.

Urianger let out a heavy sigh, gathering the papers in his hands. ‘I have had to withstand much suffering alone, though my shoulders were heavy and I wished only for someone to help me bear the weight… so perhaps it is the only way I know how to be,’ he said. 

A part of him wondered what it was about the hrothgar that made his tongue loose enough to share such things, why he felt this bubbling broth of warm trust in his stomach. He considered Thancred and Y’shtola close companions, but he did not believe his mouth would have shared the same comment to their ears. 

There was just something about Jack, he supposed. 

‘Well, maybe you shouldn’t be anymore,’ the hrothgar said, a kind smile on his face. A kindness that made muscles relax and wary hearts felt safe. ‘Trust me, I know how hard it is to be alone.’

And there it was again; the skipped heartbeat, the shivering in his stomach, the warmth that spread from his cheeks to his ears.

But his grief lay like a heavy blanket over him, crushing him beneath its weight, smothering him with its warmth. And the guilt that followed, a frothing river that wrestled against the banks as it raced through the land, made his throat close up. 

An ugly voice in the back of his head snarled and sneered at his aching heart, whispering words of disgraced memories and broken trust.  _ Poor Moenbryda, what a fool she was to put her heart in  _ your _ hands _ .

‘Might I have a moment alone, Jack?’ Urianger said, his voice strangled.

‘Oh… ‘course,’ he said, a panic rising in his emerald eye. ‘Do you want me to go? I’m sorry if I upset you.’

‘Nay,’ the elezen found himself saying, for his heart ached to think of Jack leaving, of being alone again. ‘Thy company is most welcome… but…’

‘You don’t need to explain yourself to me, of all people,’ Jack said with a smile. ‘I’ll clear the desk while you’re gone, if you like?’

Urianger nodded, and retreated into his privacy. He made tea, while his mind ran in circles around his problem, around Jack and Moenbryda. The familiar process made his blood lay still in his veins, even as the water boiled. As the smoke snorted from the kettle’s spout, Urianger was able to let out a breath, even though his lungs felt as though they were tied in knots in his chest. 

And when he came back with the tray, he saw the hrothgar’s kind smile and even kinder eyes and he knew. 

He knew that Jack would give him the time he needed. He knew that Jack expected nothing from him. He knew that Jack only wished to help.

He knew he could put his faith in Jack.

And the visits from then on didn’t stop, not until the banquet, at least, when Jack and his friends were convicted as criminals. With each passing visit, Urianger felt his heart stuttering and his mouth smiling.

But he didn’t think about it. 

Love was not his to hold.


	4. 4

Jack’s visits became rare while he called Ishgard his home and attempted to silence the song of war that echoed between dragon eyes and elezen spears; his work was important, Urianger understood, but he could not help his heart aching with longing to see the hrothgar again. But, as he always did, Urianger contented himself to his books and quills, finding comfort between old pages and ink pots, contented himself to waiting for Jack to return in his own time. 

Until, at least, he got tangled in the clawed gloves of Ascians. The guilt that lay in his stomach as heavy as a rock, knowing that when the truth of his duplicity was revealed, he would hurt a great many hearts, including that of Jack, who had been so kind to him. Shame rose like bile in his throat when he thought about it, but he had little choice, it was for the greater good. A greater good that twisted with rotten flesh and congealed blood, that would poison those it affected, their skin blistering with venom. And he would be the one with the snake wound around his arms and neck, fangs already dripping with toxic lies.

A door opening stirred him from his thoughts. Looking up, his mouth open in the form of a greeting, he found his tongue laying still.

Jack had been the last person he had expected to see, especially at such a late hour.

As soon as their eyes met, Urianger could tell something was ailing the man.

His emerald eye was flooded with the memories of teeth that dripped with fire and claws that were stained with blood. His hands quivered with the ghostly remains of powerful arcane that had rippled through his veins, pulled from the very depths of his stomach to put down a great foe. Pinned ears still rang with the roaring song of a grieving brother, spilled between beating wings. His voice quivered like a reluctant blade, still rough around the edges from being jolted out of the soft embrace of sleep, as he spoke. 

‘Hi…’ he said. Soft, timid, vulnerable. ‘Is it… okay if I stay for a bit?’

‘Of  _ course _ . Would thou like some tea?’ the elezen asked in that soft way of his, that way that seemed like it could make everything right.

Jack blinked. Once… twice… three times. And then he nodded. ‘Yes… yes, please,’ he said.

Urianger smiled, a light shining from him, from his very heart. It was a golden light, one that reached out to Jack and took hold of his hands, warming him to the deepest depths of his stomach. His fears, his anxieties, the gruesome memories of his vile nightmares relaxing their hold on him.

It was funny, really, how Urianger had this effect on him. It was similar to how Cid made him feel - safe and calm and secure - but there was something different about it too; perhaps with how private and closed-off Urianger’s heart seemed to be, his friendship was something to be earned, something to be treasured, something he would not give to just anybody. It felt special.

He smiled back.

The elezen gestured to a chair for Jack to sit down, while he left to make a tray of tea. He wondered what Jack might tell him, what secret thoughts Jack might share, his worries and his fears.

If he would at all. If he trusted Urianger enough for that.

Just before he picked up the tray to take it back out to Jack, he placed a plate of chocolate chip cookies next to the teapot.

When he returned to the hrothgar, tray held carefully in his hands, he bore witness to a sight that made his heart ache. Jack was seated at his desk, his shoulders hunched, hands clutching the hem of his shirt, eyes cast downwards. He looked so vulnerable that it was easy to forget this man had felled the gods of beast tribes and the tyrants of dragon and elezen; it was easy to forget that this man had a power unlike any other rippling in his veins, power that purred and crackled.

Urianger was reminded of when he had first met Jack, when he had first been brought to the Waking Sands to join the Scions by Thancred. There had been a sadness that hovered around his shoulders, something dark and rotting; it had filled the room like smoke, creeping into every crevice, leaving its stain on tables and books. Even when he had left, the sadness had lingered, like vultures around a carcass; it was impossible to forget the ashen taste of such melancholy.

Especially when it lay heavy on his tongue now.

His heart clenched when he watched Jack’s body flinch as the tray was set in front him, the teacups rattling against the saucers, like teeth quivering in the cold. Urianger sat in the chair on the other side of the desk and began to pour the tea, the only sound in the room that of the liquid falling into the cups. He smiled when he saw Jack’s gaze settle on the plate of cookies, the deep darkness of his pupil grew in size, eating at the leaves of the emerald forest of his eye.

‘Thou can taketh one,’ he said, putting the teapot down and picking up his cup and saucer. ‘I thought thee might appreciate a sweet treat.’

‘Thank you… that was kind of you,’ Jack said, gently taking one of the cookies. 

‘Wouldst thou tell me what troubles thee?’ the elezen asked, as the hrothgar bit into the cookie as gently as he could, a few crumbs spilling into his lap.

There was a moment where Jack thought about making up an excuse, about lying through his teeth, about keeping his troubles to himself. He thought about hiding away from Urianger, about putting his heart out of reach, about sparing the man from his sooty melancholy. The elezen didn’t need to carry his ailments on his shoulders, not when they were already holding onto the grief that still clutched at his heart. He didn’t need to hear about the memories that had been keeping him awake at night, painting the backs of his eyelids with blood and gore and death. But then, he looked up at Urianger’s face, that kind and smiling face, gentle in its encouragement. There was no pressure there, no obligation to tell him anything. There lay the promise of comfort.

And so, with a sigh, he changed his mind and opened his mouth.

‘I… uh…’ he started, keeping his eyes on the table. ‘I’ve… been having nightmares.’

‘Nightmares?’ Urianger said, concern flooding his voice like a gushing river, the water frothing against rocks coated with mossy confusion.

‘Yeah, I know,’ Jack said, ‘men of my age shouldn’t be having scary dreams. Those are saved for kids who haven’t seen their tenth summer… I know.’

‘Nay, I believe quite the opposite is true.’

Jack looked up, his head tilted in confusion. ‘What?’

‘Age doth not diminish the trauma that thou hath lived through,’ the elezen said, cupping his mug in his hands, lips cradling the brim.

The hrothgar hummed. ‘I suppose,’ he said. ‘It’s embarrassing though… I remember being that one cub that would always wake up with night terrors.’

There was a pause then, where Jack remembered a time when he would jolt awake, tears in his eyes, his heart stuttering in his chest. When he would clamber out of bed and go to his mother and father in the next room, seeking their warmth and the safety that they held in their arms, asking them to take his fear away, to tell him that it would all be fine. And then, as the years went past, he realised that, despite their hushed reassurances, the villains written between inky lines in leather bound fairytales had crawled from the pages and become even uglier, their claws becoming filthy with blood, their teeth dripping with saliva. 

And, of course, he could no longer call on his parents for comfort.

Jack hadn’t realised that the room had been claimed by the creeping fingers of silence until the ceramic melody of Urianger’s teacup echoed in his ears as it was set back on the saucer. There was an apology in the elezen’s eyes as he saw how it made the hrothgar flinch.

‘Does Cid know?’ Urianger’s voice was quiet, hushed, as if he was unsure whether he wanted to hear the answer, as if he were discussing a great and terrible secret.

Jack nodded, looking down into his teacup, down into the oaken liquid that was quickly losing its heat. ‘Yeah…’ he said.

‘So… wherefore dost thou seek mine aid this night?’ the elezen asked. And then his eyes grew wide as he realised what he had said. ‘Ah- not that I would take umbrage, of course. Thy presence is always welcome, should thou be troubled so.’

The hrothgar smiled. ‘It’s okay, I get it,’ he said. ‘I know it’s… odd that I wouldn’t go to my partner, that I'd go to someone else with such intimate knowledge.’

‘Art thou comfortable with telling me why thou hast not done so?’ the elezen asked when the pause swelled like a broken bone.

He watched as Jack’s teeth caught the light of the lamp, glinting in the dim shadows as he chewed his lip in thought for a moment.

‘Well… uh…’ he started, a hand scratching at the back of his neck, eyes darting around the room. ‘I… I thought… I thought I was… becoming a burden.’

‘Whatever wouldst make thee think such?’

‘See, I would always wake him up and… and… he struggles with sleeping,’ Jack continued, his voice scratchy with his embarrassment and the bubbling panic in his stomach. ‘He has his own problems too, ones that keep him up at night. And I… I don’t want to - I don’t know - I don’t want him to feel like he has to deal with me  _ on top _ of everything else he has going on.’

Urianger listened with a hand on his chin, eyes shielded with rose petals locked onto the hrothgar in front of him. Pointed ears drank in every word, hanging onto them as if they were the sap that ran from the tree of life. His heart shuddered as he realised just how much he wanted to help, to offer his advice, to ease the weight of the world that Jack was bearing on his shoulders.

And then his stomach twisted as he thought about how he had watched this man -  _ this very same man _ \- take down primals and Garlean oppressors, dragons and tyrants. He had watched this man kill to save the people that he cared about, and some that he didn’t even know. 

He had watched this man save the world.

And yet, here he was, in his office, hunched over a small teacup, voice shaking as he spilled his secrets. Here he was,  _ vulnerable _ , asking for help. 

He couldn’t have seemed more different from the Warrior of Light that Eorzea knew.

And there was a deep, ugly sadness about that.

‘Now, mine and Cid’s paths have seldom crossed,’ Urianger said, ‘but full certain am I that he would not turn thee and thine problems away. He seems a kind man.’

A deep sigh billowed out of Jack’s nose, weary acceptance wrapping its arms around his shoulders. ‘Yeah… he is,’ he said, resting his chin on his hand, leaning against the arm of the chair. ‘He’s so kind. Kinder than I think I deserve.’

The elezen’s brows furrowed. ‘In mine humble opinion, I believe that thou shouldst only know kindness and nothing less. Alas, the world is not so gentle.’ His cheeks tinted pink as he realised how his words sounded and he lowered his head to hide them away, a barrier of cloth between them.

Jack smiled. It was a smile that warmed Urianger’s belly, a smile that spoke of a brief respite from the onslaught of painful memories that had kept sun-dappled leaves open and vulnerable, holding them back from the peace of rest. It was a smile that spoke of better times to come.

‘You’re being very open tonight, Urianger,’ the hrothgar said, his lip lifting in a smile, teeth glittering against the candlelight. ‘Something you wanna tell me?’

The elezen held his breath, his heart shuddering with the terror that ripped through him that Jack had found out about his deepest secret, the one that he held so close to his chest, hidden from prying eyes and sneering tongues. 

But Jack’s kind laugh that framed the words put him at ease, as he seemed to brush the comment away.

‘Nah… but, really,’ he continued, ‘that’s really nice of you to say. Haven’t really had much kindness, even before becoming a Warrior of Light.’ He paused, his gaze being caught by the dance of the candle’s flame. ‘And then, Cid came along. I remember, I was still so caught up in things that had happened such a long time before that. I was so… well… you know how I was around then. But Cid… he… he was so patient, and so kind. He cares so much… and I care about him… a lot. It’s nice, having someone on your side like that.’

Urianger felt green crystals of jealousy rub up against his ribs. His veins throbbed with the sensation of  _ want _ . He  _ wanted  _ Jack to talk this way about  _ him _ . He  _ wanted _ Jack’s heart to open up to let  _ him _ in. He  _ wanted _ what Cid had with Jack. He  _ wanted _ to experience the warmth of love that he had never gotten to feel before.

He  _ wanted _ something that wasn’t his.

‘Tis of great import to have those you trust,’ he said, pouring honey over his tone to drown out the green-eyed monster that snarled behind his eyes. ‘To have those you can fall back on is a great comfort. Especially in times of dire need.’ His gaze glittered behind glassy rose petals. ‘Dire need much like thine own situation currently. I believe thou shouldst talk to Cid.  _ Properly _ .’

Seeing Jack’s smile fade away was a sight that made Urianger ache. He liked how relaxed Jack was in his company. He liked that Jack felt comfortable enough to show a different side of himself when bathed in the golden rays of the elezen’s gaze. He liked how Jack’s smile was sunlight through a window, that he stood in, warmed.

And he found himself missing that.

‘Mine apologies,’ he found himself saying. ‘I didst not mean to upset thee, but… it must needs be done if thou art to find relief.’

‘No… you’re right,’ Jack said.

There was silence for a little while. Silence where the tea was drained from the cups and the biscuits cleared from the plates. Silence where they both felt at ease, like they always did when they were together. They were a dance, an easy rhythm that swayed against each other. They worked.

And Urianger could not help but think how he wished that, when they danced like this, their fingers could intertwine and their hearts could beat as one.


	5. 5

‘ _ You have no friends here _ …’

It rattled in his head, refusing to leave, refusing to settle. 

Angry lips had spat out furious words, something that Urianger had expected. 

He had expected many things in response to his betrayal. Anger. Hurt. Distrust. Sadness. Guilt. 

But he hadn’t expected the doubt. 

The doubt that clung to his heart, a hand that dug in with its nails and stung. The doubt that murmured in his ears that those he cared for would happily leave him behind, that he was a sacrifice they were willing to make.

Just like he had been willing to sacrifice Minfilia.

‘Urianger?’ a deep, accented voice brought him from his reverie. ‘You’ve gone pale all of a sudden; you alright?’

Jack. A man who had known so much pain that it had written its story on his skin, filling the gaps between his eyes. A man who had been there for him even when the world had been cold and dark and threatened to turn in on itself. A man who unknowingly held his heart. A man whose own heart belonged to another. 

A man whose trust he had taken and shattered. 

He couldn’t bear to look the hrothgar in the face when his lips moved to give his answer. ‘Aye…’ he said, anything more wilting in his throat.

‘It’s been quite a day for everyone,’ Jack said. ‘I won’t push it if you don’t wanna talk.’

Talking was something he was good at. Though Thancred was famous for his silver tongue, his own had its own reputation; his eloquence that never faltered, every word planned, every situation planned for. His tongue was dipped in betrayal and dishonesty, something that all had seen on this day.

‘I believe mine lips should stay sealed,’ Urianger said, ‘lest they spill anymore lies and deceit.’

His eyes didn’t see the way that sadness flashed over Jack’s face like a flood.

‘Don’t talk like that,’ the hrothgar said. ‘We forgive you, you know, all of us.’

There was a pause.

‘ _ I _ forgive you,’ he murmured quietly, the words tangling up in his teeth.

The elezen’s breath caught in his throat, his jaw tightening. Wary eyes raised to meet one. ‘I shall not lie -- not again -- I didst not expect thy forgiveness. After the betrayal that I hath bestowed upon thee, I didst not think I wouldst be so lucky, especially…’ he trailed off then, risking a glance towards a very quiet Thancred, guilt making his stomach churn.

‘Well, you’re our friend, a dear friend at that,’ Jack said, placing a tentative hand on Urianger’s shoulder. ‘And friends forgive each other, with a little time and talking. And that includes you; you mean just as much to us as anyone else in this group.’

There was a smile then. One that released the tension from the elezen’s shoulders. One that cleared the dark fog that shrouded his eyes and tongue. At least just a little bit. It was a first step down a long road.

And the sight of it made Jack’s heart leap.

Both of them had things that they wanted to say, things that they realised in that moment when they looked at each other. Their tongues wished to sing the song that their hearts were crying out, their throats desperate to release all that they had been holding in for what felt like forever.

But they didn’t. They continued to stay quiet.


	6. +1

But eventually, every silence came to an end. Their chests opened, their hearts crying out and reaching to make contact. Their song finally got its performance.

Urianger had never felt such all-encompassing warmth, one that flowed through him, through his blood and bones, and one that smothered him too, brushing over his skin and hair. His heart had often been one that had been shut away, that had been cold and stale. It was an unusual feeling, one that he was still easing into. His relationship with feelings was a shaky one, but this was something that he was prepared to fall into with his entire being.

He had always thought that one person sharing his personal space would make him flinch, would make his stomach heavy with unease. Let alone two people.

But it was one of the most pleasant things he had ever experienced.

Jack’s nose brushed against his cheek, a purr rumbling in his throat. It brought him from his thoughts, back into the bed that he shared with the two men that held his heart.

Urianger leaned into the touch, a smile touching his face. ‘Good morning, Ladybird,’ he murmured.

The hrothgar -- his boyfriend, his soulmate -- yawned, his grip on the elezen tightening. ‘Morning,’ he slurred.

From the opposite side of Urianger, his head resting on the elezen’s chest, Cid stirred. There was a moment where the other two men expected him to speak.

But then he settled back down, nuzzling into Urianger’s chest, his breathing slowing down again into the rhythm of slumber.

‘Lazy,’ Jack said, fondly. 

Urianger smiled, pressing his head into the hrothgar’s fur. ‘Indeed,’ he said. 

His fingers threaded through Cid’s hair, feelings flowing through him that made his heart skip a beat.

‘I love thee,’ the elezen murmured. ‘Both of thee… so very much.’

‘And we love you too,’ Jack, pressing a kiss to Urianger’s forehead. ‘More than anything else in the world. And I can confidently say that for Cid too.’

And finally, after so long dancing in the silence, their music could play loudly for all to hear.


End file.
